i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
