I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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