That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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