Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
