I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
