I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
