i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
