babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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