Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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