Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
