Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i think my cat just said my name.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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