Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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