I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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