I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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