piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
