I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
