I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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