mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
