Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
