so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
