If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He felt like a one man threesome
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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