Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
