you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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