Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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