her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
