i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
