I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
