Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
