i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Alive.
So much puke
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
