i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
