WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
