Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
