Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
