I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
