Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
