My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
