If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
