He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
