I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's official drugs can't kill me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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