20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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