i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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