My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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