Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
