no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You've changed since you got that strap on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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