this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
