so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Randomize
