I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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