that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
