You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I did not marry a roomba.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
