i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
