I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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