Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
