its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
