I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
