I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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