I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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