She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
