just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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