why do cheetos always look like penises
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
