You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize