I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
