with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
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Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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