there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
