Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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