The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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