East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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