i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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