OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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