its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
