nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
