Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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