seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
