Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
