We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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