Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
