my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
