ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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