So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
